I am not enough

This feeling catches you off guard. You. Are. Not. Enough.

We’ve all felt this. You think you’re a waste of time. Why do your friends even bother with you? You will never get the job because you’re not qualified. If you happen to magically get the job, you spend your time thinking they’ll find out you’re a fraud and fire you. You’re not a real painter (writer, developer, accountant, …). You can’t do anything right. Now it’s midnight and you wonder why you wasted your time watching the entire Grey’s Anatomy series, for the third time.

STOP. Stop this hateful thinking. It’s not productive and just urges you to give up even more. Disclaimer: I am not a mental health expert, but like over 300 million human beings around the world, I have been depressed (statistic from the World Health Organisation, March 2018). Brains can be evil. I get very cynical and think: What’s the point? What’s the point of anything? I should just give up and sleep forever. Life would go on, the world wouldn’t care, much less the universe. So, why am I even writing this blog post right now? Maybe me typing this is all a dream?

I am writing this post because I chose to believe that there is a point. The point is me. I do it for myself and no one else. I choose to wake up every day and believe in myself. That is how I show myself love. I am not perfect (bad news: neither are you), but I will work on bettering myself day in and day out. I want to be a ray of sunlight in my life and in other people’s life.

I admit, it’s hard to keep posting - it’s downright SCARY. That’s probably why I’ve been procrastinating. Since my last post, three months ago, I’ve been telling myself I can’t post unless I have something perfect to say, something inspiring. I can’t waste your time. There are so many better blogs on the internet. Why would anyone read this? Joke’s on me, because as I said: it all doesn’t matter. What matters is showing up for myself, every day. So I will show up and I will write on this blog. Slowly I will become a better writer and thinker. I will make mistakes. When I make those mistakes, I will do my best to learn from them and rectify them. I hope that through these posts we can grow together and learn from each other.

I am normal. It’s natural to be scared, to want to give up. It can be exhausting to fight your fears every day, but if done slowly it can also be energizing. You realize that little by little, you can do something! This is the point of the normal project; to show that no matter who you are, you belong here. You. Are. Enough.